The Princess Fusion

It finally hit me today: I’ve become sure of myself and that I am supposed to live in Paris. I didn’t realize that I had truly “evolved” until this afternoon when I met up with some of my friends from college. After a few hours I was in shock. I felt that there was nothing that I had in common with them anymore. Don’t get me wrong, they are great people. They’re nice and love to travel. We have similar core values and have bonded over the tribulations of school together. But something was different. No matter how many college parties we have been together or study sessions we endured, I felt disconnected from my college friends.

I had been talking to one of my friends in the program about feeling this way earlier this week. I’ve been worried about feeling different for the past two weeks before my parents came. His parents had just left and he explained to me that he too, had evolved and that his parents had noticed that he had become a different person.

So maybe this act of getting together with my college friends solidified the fact that I’m not meant to live in the Midwest. I just didn’t know though that I would feel so strongly about this. I’m Parisian, and I even introduced myself today as one with ease. Yes, I am an American in Paris, but I have never felt more sure in my life that I am meant to live here in this city until now.

Long story short, I bolted out as fast as possible. Which isn’t the kindest thing to do. But a part of me felt as if I was a burden to the group. I was a different person. And I didn’t want to hold them back from seeing Paris in the eyes of well….a tourist.

Last night I made a pact. After a wine bottle had been opened, I was sitting with my friends on my balcony overlooking the Eiffel tower and we swore that we would be back as roommates here next year. I full heartedly believe this will happen and can’t see myself living anywhere else in the world.

I thought that I wouldn’t be able to make friends or create connections in this town. Sure, studying abroad has created a somewhat “fake” community for me to live it, but it has made me realize that even in a new environment I can overcome my awkward phase and make real friendships that I believe in my heart will last a lifetime. Cheesy I know. But it’s how I feel deep down to my core. I’m meant to live here in Paris, France. And I’m not going to settle for anywhere else.

Until next time,

Like many women, I'm TV, movies, shopping, and men play a big influence on my life. One of the shows that has impacted me greatly has been Sex and the City. As a writer myself, I found Carrie to be relatable in many ways. She's a free spirit, old soul, curly locked hair girl, with an impeccable taste in fashion.

This is how I feel everyday in Paris, and yes I might be wearing a striped shirt too right now

Naturally before my trip to Paris I had to watch Sex and the City before I left for my trip abroad. I noted all the outfits that she wore and used her life lessons as a guide for my adventure. Before I left for Paris I had to remind myself that life wasn't going to be like the movies or even an HBO show. No matter how relatable the content seemed, life could not be that great. Yes, I am an optimist but having small expectations leads to (in my opinion) more excitement and adventure.

Flashback to January when I moved to Paris. I'm living at a homestay and had google mapped where I live in Paris. I was told that there was a bar two blocks away from my place, perfect. And then came the moment when I received the perfect movie moment, which I get to live day after day here in Paris. I have the perfect movie view of the Eiffel tower, Arc de Triomphe, and Sacre Coeur. All in one balcony view. I had envisioned myself writing on my laptop, like Carrie, in a small bedroom without a view. And somehow I have found myself in Paris, with a balcony view right now typing on my laptop staring in awe at these monuments. It's no wonder I'm in love with this city more and more compared to the day before.

Of course day to day drama still happens. I have trouble understanding French electronics once and a while, But somehow I've found myself brushing these things as little life lessons and using the phrase "C'est la vie" as my mantra. So far it's worked. And let's hope for the world this new philosophy stays with me for as long as possible. It's weird not having to deal with the hustle and bustle of my day-to-day life in the States. Here, I get to explore the city (or stay in the cover of my bed sheets gazing out at the Eiffel tower) as much as a please. Yes, I do have some work to do, but the majority of it consists of having adventures like Carrie did in Paris.

And don't worry my fashionista friends, I'm showing that American's know how to rock style too. My closet is pretty much an abyss of black clothes with some sparkly pieces here and there popping out. I'm excited to show you all in the next posts what I've been wearing here in Paris. You really have the liberty to wear fabulous clothes here in Paris without feeling overdressed. I love the fact that I have to take the time to go out, making it a special event almost even if it is only finding a restaurant to eat lunch at with a friend.

So call me Carrie because really "I'm in Paris" and it doesn't seem like things could go wrong. I'm in love with this city and all that it has to offer. Here's to all the adventures that I will experience here and France and in the future.

Until next time,

xoxoxo

Sabrina

My study abroad adventure is coming closer. And with it, the final goodbyes have been continuing with friends and family. Last night over diner I made a comment to one of my girlfriends about my sentiments if leaving the country. "It feels as if people think I'm dying or something". Her response was unexpected : " you practically are".

So lets go back to me feeling as if I were dying. As of this month, people (friends and family alike) have been inviting me to places to go "one last time". As of, naturally, I will never return or forget what it was like to be around them and my neighborhood. Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE the people I have been fortunate to surround myself with. But the continuous phrase of "one last time" is leaving me with morbid thoughts and feelings.

Now lets go back to what my friend said. When she said that I was dying I stood baffled. She explained to me further as to why she felt like this. Without that one-on-one presence with her, it felt similar to one being dead. I understand this concept completely. Last year, three of my best friends studied abroad during the spring semester. When they parted their ways, I was left virtually alone. Needless to say, it was a difficult time. There were struggles that I had to face by myself without the individuals who once had stood beside me. Though I could contact them via social media, it was nothing like our conversations face-to-face. Not one bit. It's fascinating how in a sense, their study abroad experiences have shaped me to become more independent in the surroundings I thought I knew so well. Now, I'm embarking on a similar adventure as they are. I'm excited to see the world, but I understand (with great himbelness) that my lack presence will directly impact my loved ones while I'm abroad. It's a price that I have to pay. And I'm vainly willing to take a leap of faith. I want to get to know the world around me better. And in order to do this, I have to leave my love ones behind. I can only hope that my lack of presence will be a postive experience for my loved ones. Though I hope they miss me dearly, I sincerely hope that they grow as stronger individuals as well .

Sunday marks the beginning of a new journey for me. I'm excited and nervous to see what I will see and who I will become. So maybe in a sense by leaving I am"dying". My co-dependent self as to rely on one person, instead of others now. Hopefully I will evolve with grace into a new person.

Until next time,

I have three more days until I depart for la France and the wait is becoming unbearable. I have a mixture of both excitement and sheer nervousness about my study abroad adventure. Of course I'm living in the present rather than the future. Well.... sorta.

I've been catching up in my Netflix binging. Right now, I've just finished watching every episode if Charmed. Mind you I started to watch the series in October, but eight seasons if TV is hard to do. It's no wonder they call them TV marathons. As hard as watching TV on the couch with my sister may be, watching my friends study abroad experiences start before mine has become more difficult than I expected. With being done with work, packing, and having said my goodbyes, I'm pretty much am just waiting for the day when I can get my passport out. The weather here hasn't helped much either. It's -40 degree windchill and the snow keeps on pulling up. The idea of going outside and venturing does not sound enticing one but.

You can see why this is a waiting game for me. Social media hasn't been helping too much with my anticipation for travel. With everyone already gone, I am constantly being updated with people's adventures. Naturally, jealousy sets in. I wish my study abroad experience already started. I want to start my adventure! I want to discover the world! Questions such as why my study abroad experience being shorter than others has also started popping up into my head. What if there's not enough time to do the things I want to do? What will I be able to di? Will I make friends? Will I be studying ALL the time?

You can see how hard the waiting game can be. Boring , tiring, and well lazy. I do admit that it's nice to have this time to myself before I go study abroad. I haven't had this long of a break from school since my summer break on highschool. My only worry (back then and now) was who I was going to hang out with the next day.

So here goes for a couple more days of waiting. With the weekend coming up, I'm sure that the pace will quicken up. But until then it's time to relax and get as prepared as possible for my departure (how many to-do lists are too many to have?). And hopefully as my journey comes closer to a start, I can ease and become more relaxed. Afterall who wants to have reservations about going abroad? All that they'll do is hold me back.

Until next time,

The holiday season is coming to a close. This means for me that the endless preparation for studying abroad in Paris and questions from relatives on how excited I am to leave are coming an end. I have mixed emotions about leaving the US for France. Just thinking about leaving is making my hands on the keyboard jitter (I’ve literally had to auto-correct this paragraph three times already because my hands are so jittery from both being nervous and excited for my study-abroad trip to Paris).

Here’s my not-so-simple- typical-white-girl- explanation as to why I am studying abroad in Paris for spring 2015. If you’ve noticed from my name, you might have guessed why I’m studying abroad in Paris. My name is Sabrina, and naturally I am vainly obsessed with both of the “Sabrina” movies (the Audrey Hepburn version is my favorite for the record). I’ve visited France before. The first time I went with my family when I was in junior high, and the second time I visited with my high school (my best friends went with me). Each time I go to Paris I make a promise to myself. The first time I went to Paris I promised myself that when I came back, I would visit with my best friends. Three years later, I was back in Paris with several of my class mates roaming about the streets of Paris. During my last visit in Paris, I promised myself that I would go back one day and live in the city of lights. Obviously, by the fact that I’m writing this blog post on IES’s site means that I’m big on promises, because I’m doing just that: living AND studying abroad in Paris for 4 months.

My friends and I in Paris, 2011

My mentality for traveling is a bit odd compared to others. I’m not in denial that I’m going to study abroad, it’s more so that I’m in shock that it’s actually happening. I’ve prepared myself for living in Paris. I have my clothes picked out, I’ve created a packing list, a to-do list before studying abroad, printed out maps, and have even started to plan adventures around the city. I’m in a state of utter disbelief that I’m getting the chance to go to Paris again. From past experiences, I know that the excitement won’t roll in until I land in France. My fear of flying probably plays a factor in my level of excitement. This will be the first time that I have flown by myself. Fortunately, I won’t have to face my fear totally alone. IES emailed me the roster several days ago of who else will be partaking in the program. Of course I had to scroll the list and see if I recognized any names and if someone else was from Minnesota. A total of five other IES students will be departing on the same plane as me from Minneapolis to Paris. I was thrilled when I connected with the other students from my program to hear that we would be facing this adventure and obstacle together. What makes matters even better is that some of these students that are going to study abroad with myself are some of my colleagues and mutual friends. My stress about traveling alone has now diminished to some degree knowing that on my plane I will be traveling with some of my classmates from IES Paris French Studies.

Some of my books and journals I received over the holidays

In the meantime before departure, I am catching up on saying my final goodbyes and doing some reading. It seems as if my friends and family have come in unison together and have decided that I should read some books on Paris before my departure and write about my experiences while traveling abroad. Apparently journals with the Eiffel tower aren’t hard to find because I’ve now started to create a collection of them. Regardless of the number of journals I have, I think it’s an indication that this experience will be life changing (as cheesy as it sounds). For me, writing is both something that is therapeutic as well as something that I do as a profession. I am excited to see how my journey abroad in Paris will be, and I cannot wait to write them all down in my journals.

I’ll leave you with a picture from my first page I put in my journal. I went out to eat last night to a Vietnamese restaurant and received a fortune cookie. My fortune is the following “Be yourself and you’ll feel at home anywhere”. Maybe this is the sign that I’ll be the next version of the movie “Sabrina” and discover myself while studying abroad in Paris. Only time and the pages of my journals will be able to tell.

Until next time,

My room was a mess today, and I felt like I was in need of a change so I set out to organize my bedroom. Here are some simple tricks to help keep your room organized and cute :)

#1) Bras: They can be the hardest to organize. They're expensive and yet so clumsy at times. I was inspired from Pintrest when I saw this girl had organized her lingerie similar to Victoria Secret. So naturally, I had to try. I took a cardboard box, cut off the top and set my sassy bras inside. Pretty simple and if I do say so myself, it looks pretty cute.

#2)Decorations : Everyone loves to have decorations in the room. But what to put is and how can be tricky. As a photographer, I love to capture pretty much every single moment of my life. I believe that it's good to fill your room with positive energy. What could be better than having a room surrounded of pictures of you and your loved ones? I used string and paper clips in order to hang these pictures up in my room. Its cute an easy to do!

#3) Get your vintage on: I'm a concert junkie so naturally I have preserved every concert ticket and wristband that I have ever worn. As mentioned before, I also love to take pictures. What could be a better combo than polaroid pictures with concert tickets? It give that vintage vibe with the armoire that it's on while still looking chic. In addition, I have collected vintage jewelry boxes as props of decoration. I love how they look and are great an organized way to put your jewelry in!

#4) Purses: I have always had a difficult time finding how to organize my purses let alone keep them from falling off of the shelves. I'm one to collect my shopping bags and recycle them. I put my old Victoria Secret shopping bags inside of the purses, opened up the bag, and the purses sit perfectly. I think this alternative is better than putting cardboard or a book (yes I've used a book) to prop up my purses. You want to preserve your purses as much as possible while also showcasing them!

#5) Organizing scarfs: Living in Minnesota, there are scarves that are considered weather and non-weather appropriate depending on the time of year. I have color coded and sorted out the scarves for this season in the front and have put my winter ones, which are folded, behind. Remember that you're not always going to have the time to be like Cher and stare at your closet endlessly. Your life is hectic, and having something to grab quick (that will actually keep you warm in the winter!) is a must.

I'm still in the process of organizing my room so look for a second update as well!

See you soon :)

Disclaimer: I hope I can portray this article in a non-stereotypical way. I want to personally thank Estelle Daniels for letting me interview her for this piece and hope that you, as the readers will take this time to learn more about the Wiccan religion.

For the Wicca religion, you won’t be able to find a church, a dogmatic set of beliefs, or “Bible thumpers” knocking at your door trying to convert you. You have to want to find Wicca yourself. “A lot of what we teach is experiential. You can read some books how it’s going to describe how it going to feel like, but you need to experience (Wicca) for yourself” said Estelle Daniels, The Wiccan Church of Minnesota’s current May Queen.

The religion of Wicca is a nature based religion which generally believes in the duality or multiplicity of deities. There are 8 celebrations that celebrate the changing of the seasons. This weekend, the Wiccan community is celebrating Samhain. “This is the time of year when the veil between the two worlds are the thinnest” explained Daniels. Samhain is a celebration that allows for personal soul examination as well as a time to honor ancestors within the Wiccan community.

Hollywood has shown their fair share of witches in the past. From Bewitched to Vampire Diaries, Hollywood seems to not be able to get enough of them. Daniels explained very clearly that there is a distinction between what Hollywood portraying and real life. Not all witches are wiccans, and not all wiccans are witches.” She said. Because of these interpretations of the word “witch” the community has now begun to reclaim the word as “empowered female” or “empowered witch”.

“You got two TV series that presented Wicca (in an accurate manner): Buffy and Charmed. Willow’s portrayal as a Wiccan was really well. Even the evil Willow” she said Daniels.

Just like in the 90s TV Show Charmed, Wiccans have Covens. These covens, which contain usually 5-20 people, are the base of Wicca. Within the Covens members can obtain three degrees which take a minimum of a year and a day to obtain. The degrees are the following: Initiation, Picking a specialty, and become responsible for the community.

For Daniels, magic is the control use of will. “Some people would say that prayer is magic. We’re beseeching a deity to a cause and change.” Wiccans practice many things, Daniels explained. Some examples are astrology, tarot cards, and ceremonial magic.

The Twin Cities is known within the Wiccan community as “Paganistan”. Because of Minnesota’s lakes and parks many wiccans reside in Minnesota. “We like nature. My idea of worship is walking up and down Minnehaha falls while picking up trash. Minnesota is a magical place to me.”

I was watching an episode of Charmed, cheesy I know, and heard Piper question her sister “Why would I open my heart up and love someone, when all it’s going to cause me is pain?” This question reignited with me.

Why do we open ourselves up to love? What even is love and how do we obtain it?

Currently, in French class I’m reading a piece by Moliere. Two of the characters (the master of dance and the master of theatre) are debating about why they create art. One debates that the reason is to earn money and to sustain their self. The other, debates that they create art in order to satisfy others. Both reasons are correct and are deemed definitions of “gratification”.

But which one is correct? When we are doing (or creating something) do we have more than one sole purpose or inspiration? I want to believe so, but at the same time I feel like I (and others) cannot be that complex. There is a root to everything that we do.

Could love be that root?

As a child I was taught that there are multiple forms of love: self-love, love for the family, love for your neighbor, love for your spouse, and love for God.

Some of these loves can be intertwined. Your neighbor could be your spouse. Your spouse is part of your family. You are a part of your family. The intertwinement is endless.

I believe that this intertwinement shows that we have and acknowledge that love can be attained both by self and as a community. It is, in a sense, a communal value. Your community and culture interprets love different than others. In America, one aspect of love in the media is being portrayed as unattainable and mythical.

We know that with love comes pain. It is a repercussion that everyone feels. Emotions (both good and bad) are part of what we are as human beings. It is essential that we feel. Those emotions guide our everyday moves. How we interpret “love” is going to differ for each person, culture, and community. The methodology of applying love then, will also differ in everyday activities.

Some people love money. They will do anything in their power to obtain it.

Others see love within others; observing and acting upon other people’s testimonials in order to help the community flourish.

And so junior year has begun....
    I'm really not one to complain virtually. I'm all about doing that in real life. I don't feel that there's a necessity to dump all your issues out to the world unless there's a common bond where everyone share's your frustration. I think that school problems are one of those "blessed" categories that everyone has the right to be frustrated with and complain about it as much as their heart desires.
   Now before I go on I want to put into account that I find higher education to be helpful. I am grateful for it, and the opportunities that have come to me (and hopefully more in the future) because of it.
That being said, how the process works is frustrating the hell out of me. Here's a list
#1) Don't work: I hear many teachers preach about prioritizing our time here at school. My sole dedication should be on my homework they say. How am I supposed to focus on homework if I can't afford this school? I honestly think that it's a balancing act. I don't want to come out of school not having the resources I need to maintain an ok-life. I realize that debt is inevitable. And that in itself is a problem.
2) At the end of the day, when I graduate from this institution all that I'll receive is two pieces of paper: In one hand I will have my diploma, and in the other will be my freshly printed resume. These two papers define me. Just like my test scores, I have to go to big institutions and cross my fingers that the other applicants don't have as many extracurricular, GPA, and majors as me. At the end of the day,  its a survival of the fittest. And that makes me scared. After all my hard work that I have worked into my work could still not be good enough?!?
3) No one's perfect. And this is what pisses me off. When I got into college I was told right away that I would be a great candidate for graduate school. Wait- you mean that I have to stay in school for an additional 4 years? Where am I supposed to get money for that, let alone the energy and motivation to want to invest my life into reading textbooks, writing papers, and studying for tests?
4) The extra expenses. This is what pisses me off the most. No one tells you about the extra stuff. The study abroad, the costs before you study abroad, ect. As someone who is trying to graduate early so that I can pay all of these expenses and find a job BEFORE my job market fills up in May I find it to be frustrating that my college doesn't want to help me graduate at the date that works best for me. Classes are only offered in my major once a year if I'm lucky. And if they're offered more than once? Summer tuition prices added on top of it.

I love college too, but right now I'm very frustrated with it also. It's a love-hate-relationship as the rom coms would describe it. Right now I'm leaning more towards the hate. Tomorrow it will probably be the exact opposite. And that's one of the benefits about college. Other than the due dates, you have no idea what to expect from tomorrow.

I realize that I am more fortunate than others. I am a middle class white women. I have parents that are helping pay for college. And still, I struggle. I work two jobs and have taken the maximum amount of credits each semester. I sleep little and work a lot. My Friday nights have become non-existent. I'm waiting for this epiphany moment for when I will not have to be stressed out any more and yet there always seems to be another project piled up on my lap. This is good, because without things to do I'd go crazy. I wish that I could value the education that I am receiving more. I wish that I, and my peers that have worst adversities than myself, didn't have to worry or question where are money was going. I wish that I could be happy with the fact that I have been given once-in- a life time opportunities because I am enrolled in college.

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