Feelings about France

Friday, January 09, 2015

My study abroad adventure is coming closer. And with it, the final goodbyes have been continuing with friends and family. Last night over diner I made a comment to one of my girlfriends about my sentiments if leaving the country. "It feels as if people think I'm dying or something". Her response was unexpected : " you practically are".

So lets go back to me feeling as if I were dying. As of this month, people (friends and family alike) have been inviting me to places to go "one last time". As of, naturally, I will never return or forget what it was like to be around them and my neighborhood. Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE the people I have been fortunate to surround myself with. But the continuous phrase of "one last time" is leaving me with morbid thoughts and feelings. 
Now lets go back to what my friend said. When she said that I was dying I stood baffled. She explained to me further as to why she felt like this. Without that one-on-one presence with her, it felt similar to one being dead. I understand this concept completely. Last year, three of my best friends studied abroad during the spring semester. When they parted their ways, I was left virtually alone. Needless to say, it was a difficult time. There were struggles that I had to face by myself without the individuals who once had stood beside me. Though I could contact them via social media, it was nothing like our conversations face-to-face. Not one bit. It's fascinating how in a sense, their study abroad experiences have shaped me to become more independent in the surroundings I thought I knew so well. Now, I'm embarking on a similar adventure as they are. I'm excited to see the world, but I understand (with great himbelness) that my lack presence will directly impact my loved ones while I'm abroad. It's a price that I have to pay. And I'm vainly willing to take a leap of faith. I want to get to know the world around me better. And in order to do this, I have to leave my love ones behind. I can only hope that my lack of presence will be a postive experience for my loved ones. Though I hope they miss me dearly, I sincerely hope that they grow as stronger individuals as well .
Sunday marks the beginning of a new journey for me. I'm excited and nervous to see what I will see and who I will become. So maybe in a sense by leaving I am"dying". My co-dependent self as to rely on one person, instead of others now. Hopefully I will evolve with grace into a new person.

Until next time,

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