The Princess Fusion

The holiday season is coming to a close. This means for me that the endless preparation for studying abroad in Paris and questions from relatives on how excited I am to leave are coming an end. I have mixed emotions about leaving the US for France. Just thinking about leaving is making my hands on the keyboard jitter (I’ve literally had to auto-correct this paragraph three times already because my hands are so jittery from both being nervous and excited for my study-abroad trip to Paris).

Here’s my not-so-simple- typical-white-girl- explanation as to why I am studying abroad in Paris for spring 2015. If you’ve noticed from my name, you might have guessed why I’m studying abroad in Paris. My name is Sabrina, and naturally I am vainly obsessed with both of the “Sabrina” movies (the Audrey Hepburn version is my favorite for the record). I’ve visited France before. The first time I went with my family when I was in junior high, and the second time I visited with my high school (my best friends went with me). Each time I go to Paris I make a promise to myself. The first time I went to Paris I promised myself that when I came back, I would visit with my best friends. Three years later, I was back in Paris with several of my class mates roaming about the streets of Paris. During my last visit in Paris, I promised myself that I would go back one day and live in the city of lights. Obviously, by the fact that I’m writing this blog post on IES’s site means that I’m big on promises, because I’m doing just that: living AND studying abroad in Paris for 4 months.

My friends and I in Paris, 2011

My mentality for traveling is a bit odd compared to others. I’m not in denial that I’m going to study abroad, it’s more so that I’m in shock that it’s actually happening. I’ve prepared myself for living in Paris. I have my clothes picked out, I’ve created a packing list, a to-do list before studying abroad, printed out maps, and have even started to plan adventures around the city. I’m in a state of utter disbelief that I’m getting the chance to go to Paris again. From past experiences, I know that the excitement won’t roll in until I land in France. My fear of flying probably plays a factor in my level of excitement. This will be the first time that I have flown by myself. Fortunately, I won’t have to face my fear totally alone. IES emailed me the roster several days ago of who else will be partaking in the program. Of course I had to scroll the list and see if I recognized any names and if someone else was from Minnesota. A total of five other IES students will be departing on the same plane as me from Minneapolis to Paris. I was thrilled when I connected with the other students from my program to hear that we would be facing this adventure and obstacle together. What makes matters even better is that some of these students that are going to study abroad with myself are some of my colleagues and mutual friends. My stress about traveling alone has now diminished to some degree knowing that on my plane I will be traveling with some of my classmates from IES Paris French Studies.

Some of my books and journals I received over the holidays

In the meantime before departure, I am catching up on saying my final goodbyes and doing some reading. It seems as if my friends and family have come in unison together and have decided that I should read some books on Paris before my departure and write about my experiences while traveling abroad. Apparently journals with the Eiffel tower aren’t hard to find because I’ve now started to create a collection of them. Regardless of the number of journals I have, I think it’s an indication that this experience will be life changing (as cheesy as it sounds). For me, writing is both something that is therapeutic as well as something that I do as a profession. I am excited to see how my journey abroad in Paris will be, and I cannot wait to write them all down in my journals.

I’ll leave you with a picture from my first page I put in my journal. I went out to eat last night to a Vietnamese restaurant and received a fortune cookie. My fortune is the following “Be yourself and you’ll feel at home anywhere”. Maybe this is the sign that I’ll be the next version of the movie “Sabrina” and discover myself while studying abroad in Paris. Only time and the pages of my journals will be able to tell.

Until next time,

My room was a mess today, and I felt like I was in need of a change so I set out to organize my bedroom. Here are some simple tricks to help keep your room organized and cute :)

#1) Bras: They can be the hardest to organize. They're expensive and yet so clumsy at times. I was inspired from Pintrest when I saw this girl had organized her lingerie similar to Victoria Secret. So naturally, I had to try. I took a cardboard box, cut off the top and set my sassy bras inside. Pretty simple and if I do say so myself, it looks pretty cute.

#2)Decorations : Everyone loves to have decorations in the room. But what to put is and how can be tricky. As a photographer, I love to capture pretty much every single moment of my life. I believe that it's good to fill your room with positive energy. What could be better than having a room surrounded of pictures of you and your loved ones? I used string and paper clips in order to hang these pictures up in my room. Its cute an easy to do!

#3) Get your vintage on: I'm a concert junkie so naturally I have preserved every concert ticket and wristband that I have ever worn. As mentioned before, I also love to take pictures. What could be a better combo than polaroid pictures with concert tickets? It give that vintage vibe with the armoire that it's on while still looking chic. In addition, I have collected vintage jewelry boxes as props of decoration. I love how they look and are great an organized way to put your jewelry in!

#4) Purses: I have always had a difficult time finding how to organize my purses let alone keep them from falling off of the shelves. I'm one to collect my shopping bags and recycle them. I put my old Victoria Secret shopping bags inside of the purses, opened up the bag, and the purses sit perfectly. I think this alternative is better than putting cardboard or a book (yes I've used a book) to prop up my purses. You want to preserve your purses as much as possible while also showcasing them!

#5) Organizing scarfs: Living in Minnesota, there are scarves that are considered weather and non-weather appropriate depending on the time of year. I have color coded and sorted out the scarves for this season in the front and have put my winter ones, which are folded, behind. Remember that you're not always going to have the time to be like Cher and stare at your closet endlessly. Your life is hectic, and having something to grab quick (that will actually keep you warm in the winter!) is a must.

I'm still in the process of organizing my room so look for a second update as well!

See you soon :)

Disclaimer: I hope I can portray this article in a non-stereotypical way. I want to personally thank Estelle Daniels for letting me interview her for this piece and hope that you, as the readers will take this time to learn more about the Wiccan religion.

For the Wicca religion, you won’t be able to find a church, a dogmatic set of beliefs, or “Bible thumpers” knocking at your door trying to convert you. You have to want to find Wicca yourself. “A lot of what we teach is experiential. You can read some books how it’s going to describe how it going to feel like, but you need to experience (Wicca) for yourself” said Estelle Daniels, The Wiccan Church of Minnesota’s current May Queen.

The religion of Wicca is a nature based religion which generally believes in the duality or multiplicity of deities. There are 8 celebrations that celebrate the changing of the seasons. This weekend, the Wiccan community is celebrating Samhain. “This is the time of year when the veil between the two worlds are the thinnest” explained Daniels. Samhain is a celebration that allows for personal soul examination as well as a time to honor ancestors within the Wiccan community.

Hollywood has shown their fair share of witches in the past. From Bewitched to Vampire Diaries, Hollywood seems to not be able to get enough of them. Daniels explained very clearly that there is a distinction between what Hollywood portraying and real life. Not all witches are wiccans, and not all wiccans are witches.” She said. Because of these interpretations of the word “witch” the community has now begun to reclaim the word as “empowered female” or “empowered witch”.

“You got two TV series that presented Wicca (in an accurate manner): Buffy and Charmed. Willow’s portrayal as a Wiccan was really well. Even the evil Willow” she said Daniels.

Just like in the 90s TV Show Charmed, Wiccans have Covens. These covens, which contain usually 5-20 people, are the base of Wicca. Within the Covens members can obtain three degrees which take a minimum of a year and a day to obtain. The degrees are the following: Initiation, Picking a specialty, and become responsible for the community.

For Daniels, magic is the control use of will. “Some people would say that prayer is magic. We’re beseeching a deity to a cause and change.” Wiccans practice many things, Daniels explained. Some examples are astrology, tarot cards, and ceremonial magic.

The Twin Cities is known within the Wiccan community as “Paganistan”. Because of Minnesota’s lakes and parks many wiccans reside in Minnesota. “We like nature. My idea of worship is walking up and down Minnehaha falls while picking up trash. Minnesota is a magical place to me.”

I was watching an episode of Charmed, cheesy I know, and heard Piper question her sister “Why would I open my heart up and love someone, when all it’s going to cause me is pain?” This question reignited with me.

Why do we open ourselves up to love? What even is love and how do we obtain it?

Currently, in French class I’m reading a piece by Moliere. Two of the characters (the master of dance and the master of theatre) are debating about why they create art. One debates that the reason is to earn money and to sustain their self. The other, debates that they create art in order to satisfy others. Both reasons are correct and are deemed definitions of “gratification”.

But which one is correct? When we are doing (or creating something) do we have more than one sole purpose or inspiration? I want to believe so, but at the same time I feel like I (and others) cannot be that complex. There is a root to everything that we do.

Could love be that root?

As a child I was taught that there are multiple forms of love: self-love, love for the family, love for your neighbor, love for your spouse, and love for God.

Some of these loves can be intertwined. Your neighbor could be your spouse. Your spouse is part of your family. You are a part of your family. The intertwinement is endless.

I believe that this intertwinement shows that we have and acknowledge that love can be attained both by self and as a community. It is, in a sense, a communal value. Your community and culture interprets love different than others. In America, one aspect of love in the media is being portrayed as unattainable and mythical.

We know that with love comes pain. It is a repercussion that everyone feels. Emotions (both good and bad) are part of what we are as human beings. It is essential that we feel. Those emotions guide our everyday moves. How we interpret “love” is going to differ for each person, culture, and community. The methodology of applying love then, will also differ in everyday activities.

Some people love money. They will do anything in their power to obtain it.

Others see love within others; observing and acting upon other people’s testimonials in order to help the community flourish.

And so junior year has begun....
    I'm really not one to complain virtually. I'm all about doing that in real life. I don't feel that there's a necessity to dump all your issues out to the world unless there's a common bond where everyone share's your frustration. I think that school problems are one of those "blessed" categories that everyone has the right to be frustrated with and complain about it as much as their heart desires.
   Now before I go on I want to put into account that I find higher education to be helpful. I am grateful for it, and the opportunities that have come to me (and hopefully more in the future) because of it.
That being said, how the process works is frustrating the hell out of me. Here's a list
#1) Don't work: I hear many teachers preach about prioritizing our time here at school. My sole dedication should be on my homework they say. How am I supposed to focus on homework if I can't afford this school? I honestly think that it's a balancing act. I don't want to come out of school not having the resources I need to maintain an ok-life. I realize that debt is inevitable. And that in itself is a problem.
2) At the end of the day, when I graduate from this institution all that I'll receive is two pieces of paper: In one hand I will have my diploma, and in the other will be my freshly printed resume. These two papers define me. Just like my test scores, I have to go to big institutions and cross my fingers that the other applicants don't have as many extracurricular, GPA, and majors as me. At the end of the day,  its a survival of the fittest. And that makes me scared. After all my hard work that I have worked into my work could still not be good enough?!?
3) No one's perfect. And this is what pisses me off. When I got into college I was told right away that I would be a great candidate for graduate school. Wait- you mean that I have to stay in school for an additional 4 years? Where am I supposed to get money for that, let alone the energy and motivation to want to invest my life into reading textbooks, writing papers, and studying for tests?
4) The extra expenses. This is what pisses me off the most. No one tells you about the extra stuff. The study abroad, the costs before you study abroad, ect. As someone who is trying to graduate early so that I can pay all of these expenses and find a job BEFORE my job market fills up in May I find it to be frustrating that my college doesn't want to help me graduate at the date that works best for me. Classes are only offered in my major once a year if I'm lucky. And if they're offered more than once? Summer tuition prices added on top of it.

I love college too, but right now I'm very frustrated with it also. It's a love-hate-relationship as the rom coms would describe it. Right now I'm leaning more towards the hate. Tomorrow it will probably be the exact opposite. And that's one of the benefits about college. Other than the due dates, you have no idea what to expect from tomorrow.

I realize that I am more fortunate than others. I am a middle class white women. I have parents that are helping pay for college. And still, I struggle. I work two jobs and have taken the maximum amount of credits each semester. I sleep little and work a lot. My Friday nights have become non-existent. I'm waiting for this epiphany moment for when I will not have to be stressed out any more and yet there always seems to be another project piled up on my lap. This is good, because without things to do I'd go crazy. I wish that I could value the education that I am receiving more. I wish that I, and my peers that have worst adversities than myself, didn't have to worry or question where are money was going. I wish that I could be happy with the fact that I have been given once-in- a life time opportunities because I am enrolled in college.

I mentioned in the other post that I have been questioning and doubting my writing due to my lack of credibility (or perception). I want to elaborate on this.

I might have mentioned in a post way back when that I was writing a book. Though this book is fictional I was drawn by two of the characters I had created to have a romantic relationship with one another. I wrote the scene and all that jazz included and continued writing the story. And then I reread it. And again. And a couple more times after that. Mind you these characters had a couple of sex scenes. Whatever. Then I thought for a bit-what will people think of me if this was published? I've never experienced anything close to this with a person to what the characters in my book have or others. I had used what my friends and the movies had told me.

Is that enough? Do I need to experience love -specifically romance-before I continue writing about romance? How can I consider even calling myself an author -at that a credible one-if my characters have experienced events I never had?

So I took a break from writing a book. I thought of it as a sabbatical. I have myself a year to find love. A year. The fact that I have myself a timeline to do something like this should have been a warning sign. Mind you though, it was going well at first. Finally I guy had professed his love for me. It just wasn't the way I had ever imagined it. It wasn't like the movies of anything I had ever read. It wasn't even romantic. Not one bit. And naturally I ran away. Literally. I bolted.

So maybe my year of finding love didn't happen. Maybe it wasn't supposed to happen either. If I learned anything it's this: you shouldn't put or make a timeline for love. And people, from what I've experienced it's nothing like the movies. Zippo. Half of the illusions I created in my head about guys quickly evaporated when the scenes played out the complete opposite way I had intended them to.

But I still haven't answered the issue of credibility yet. Sure, I still haven't had any first yet. But from this year I took the time to understand that a lot of people haven't either. Everyone has fantasies. Who says that they're not credible? Someone came up with the inspiration in both books and movies somehow. So maybe the answer is that everyone has a different method to their madness. Not everyone is going to perceive the same events as you in the same cookie cutter way. The shape if the cookie might have different edges, it might have sprinkles, and they even might have used a different recipe then you had. The result though is the same: a story.

So, dear fellow authors that find yourselves a writers block, don't fret. Let this be a lesson that it's good to have doubts, but to realize that everyone has them. How one perceives someone as experience is going to vary person to person. And it's not like your publisher or readers are going to ask for a resume of life experiences you've had.

-Keep on writing

Sabrina Kennelly

Everyone has a voice. Some discover what their voice is at a young age. Usually society flourishes this lucky young souls with extra opportunities, cash, and je-ne-sais-pas. Then there are the folks like me. The ones who are seeking to find their voice and haven’t found it wait. The ones that are hoping for some big booming voice to come out of the sky, open the clouds with the bare hands, and tell them what they should do with life. Just like that.

Apparently that great epiphany hasn’t happened yet. No voices have appeared out of the clouds telling me what to do. Mind you that doesn’t mean that I’m just sitting on my butt all day. It’s in fact the complete opposite. I’m trying everything that I am mildly passionate about. Yes….mildly. Like the salsa that the whimps at Costco have difficulty finding on the shelf because apparently there’s only spicy that exists. Well I’m not at that point yet. I haven’t found that ONE thing or have become that ONE voice for a cause yet. And to be honest, I do know if I want to. Is it all that bad to dabble and try a little bit of everything?

I remember when I was a little girl I had a list of occupations I was going to be. Realistically I believed that I could be a firefighter, a singer, an actress, a writer, a magical witch, and doctor all . And honestly, I still have that dream. I love working and at this point of my life trying to see what I want to do.

As you can see for my lack of posts blogging wasn't one of them. I thought that I was lacking something. Call my crazy but I thought that in order to be viewed as a "credible" author I had to have this resume of work and experience already on my plate. I realize now that this notion is impossible. I can't decide when I'm going to have life altering experiences and hope that I remember my exact sentiments 15 or 20 minutes later to write it on a blog post. Nor do I expect myself to want at times to write my sentiments out about all events on the blog. So here it goes. All or nothing. It's going to be a new blog. And honestly, you're going to see a new me. So get ready, get set, let's go!

I've always been an avid blog reader, looking for ideas and outlooks on life.
Pretty general I know
But what makes my blog different from there's?
For the past couple years, after numerous blogs have been deleted and re-created, I still haven't found an answer to this solution. Some blogs have a set goal at the beginning. There title tells you everything from purpose to the (hopeful) end result. Think of it like a science experiment in a way. For me, I decided to go in the opposite direction. Write what I know. Lately though, I haven't found the words or even the thoughts to transcribe correctly what I know. Maybe it's the college classes I'm taking right now that's affecting my judgment or skew on things in life. Maybe, I've always had these thoughts in my head but have never truly acknowledge them. I guess it's up to debate. I only know what I know (that sounds redundant, doesn't it?!?) based off of what others have told me is correct or incorrect. I guess you could say that I've been having an epiphany of sorts, a self-revelation. I'm realizing that I know what others have told me, but I haven't truly come to terms with how it has impacted me as a person.

And then the question of how does this impact my blog comes into play

If I want to impact others (persons) I need to know more about myself. How can this be achieved? How do I know that others, that have created an impact, know fully about themselves as people? I really don't. So maybe this is only me expressing my self-doubt and realizing how vain this blog is. I want to create an impact or have an impact. I want to be able to show that I am not the only one that has self-doubts but also has other sorts of emotions. Really, how many blogs does one need to see what is the latest and greatest fashion trend. Don't get me wrong, I love fashion and all that. There's a reason why I work in the industry I do. But I also love news. I guess that's why I made this blog into a collection of things because I wanted to show you guys how you don't have to have only one thing to be passionate about. You can have multiple. This blog isn't supposed to be me saying goodbye. I'm just telling you were I am in life. To be honest, I'm burnt out. I have all these ideas, all this energy (or had) but seem like I'm short-ended with it. I see all these amazing people in my life achieving their dreams and making an impact and wondering, with envy, when my time is going to come. Or better yet, if it will ever.

Now I'm not asking for pity. This blog has enough vain aspects about myself as it is. I'm asking you to understand and possibly guide me in the right direction for this blog. Assistance. I want to be able to help people. I want to be able to uplift, even if it is for only one person.

Everyone has that summer where they get to try out there dreams. And if you haven't I recommend that you should. Everyone deserves to try, even if its for a short period of time, to see and discover what they are truly passionate about. I think the problem for me is that I have found that over time I have a lot of passions for many different things (some which correlate better than others). One of the activities that I tried one summer during my high school career was modeling and fashion writing. Obviously I'm still obsessed (if not more) with fashion and well...writing :) This program allowed for a group of wonderful gals and I to create a fashion magazine (think Seventeen mixed with Minnesota haute couture). Needless to say the program was a great opportunity for me to learn what it was like to write pieces on current trends and predict future ones. It was crazy to see how accurate I was when it came to predicting what the future trends for that fall would be. I hadn't really looked back at this experience , or the pictures, in a while. I honestly forgot about how great of an experience it was and how it was really the start of me going into the internships I was a part of in my high school career. Just remember to do what you love at the end of the day. Money is also good though too (and important in order to maintain oneself) but happiness is just or greater in value and importance. Looking back at these pictures I realize that maybe I should go back into taking pictures and modeling. Maybe I'm being vain but I enjoy getting dolled up and posing for the camera. And of course writing. I'll leave you with this internal debate that is subjective for each and every one of you readers. Everyone's motives in life are different and I'm still trying to find a balance or equilibrium. I honestly feel like sometimes this blog is a bragging competition. That's not what my goal of the blog is. The goal for my blog, and please comment if I am wrong and the message is not getting across, is to explain to you-the readers-what is happening in my life. Looking back at these pictures I wish (I will never use the term regret) that I had seen myself as the lovely young (and sexy) lady that I see in these pictures. I wish that I would have taken the thoughts of others and the media out of my head. What stopped me then and still now and hearing others telling me that what I want to do isn't possible because of different factors. I'm not trying to have you pity me. No, I'm stronger than that and definitely do not have believe in sob stories. Instead I want people to reflect on the importance of understanding what their motives for acting are. Think about that while you complete your daily routine. Are you doing this because society tells you to or because you want to?

May the odds ever be in your favor and may you balance out your life completely,

Sabrina

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