So lets go back to me feeling as if I were dying. As of this month, people (friends and family alike) have been inviting me to places to go "one last time". As of, naturally, I will never return or forget what it was like to be around them and my neighborhood. Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE the people I have been fortunate to surround myself with. But the continuous phrase of "one last time" is leaving me with morbid thoughts and feelings. 

Now lets go back to what my friend said. When she said that I was dying I stood baffled. She explained to me further as to why she felt like this. Without that one-on-one presence with her, it felt similar to one being dead. I understand this concept completely. Last year, three of my best friends studied abroad during the spring semester. When they parted their ways, I was left virtually alone. Needless to say, it was a difficult time. There were struggles that I had to face by myself without the individuals who once had stood beside me. Though I could contact them via social media, it was nothing like our conversations face-to-face. Not one bit. It's fascinating how in a sense, their study abroad experiences have shaped me to become more independent in the surroundings I thought I knew so well. Now, I'm embarking on a similar adventure as they are. I'm excited to see the world, but I understand (with great himbelness) that my lack presence will directly impact my loved ones while I'm abroad. It's a price that I have to pay. And I'm vainly willing to take a leap of faith. I want to get to know the world around me better. And in order to do this, I have to leave my love ones behind. I can only hope that my lack of presence will be a postive experience for my loved ones. Though I hope they miss me dearly, I sincerely hope that they grow as stronger individuals as well .

Sunday marks the beginning of a new journey for me. I'm excited and nervous to see what I will see and who I will become. So maybe in a sense by leaving I am"dying". My co-dependent self as to rely on one person, instead of others now. Hopefully I will evolve with grace into a new person.


Until next time,

I've been catching up in my Netflix binging. Right now, I've just finished watching every episode if Charmed. Mind you I started to watch the series in October, but eight seasons if TV is hard to do. It's no wonder they call them TV marathons. As hard as watching TV on the couch with my sister may be, watching my friends study abroad experiences start before mine has become more difficult than I expected. With being done with work, packing, and having said my goodbyes, I'm pretty much am just waiting for the day when I can get my passport out. The weather here hasn't helped much either. It's -40 degree windchill and the snow keeps on pulling up. The idea of going outside and venturing does not sound enticing one but. 

You can see why this is a waiting game for me. Social media hasn't been helping too much with my anticipation for travel. With everyone already gone, I am constantly being updated with people's adventures. Naturally, jealousy sets in. I wish my study abroad experience already started. I want to start my adventure! I want to discover the world! Questions such as why my study abroad experience being shorter than others has also started popping up into my head. What if there's not enough time to do the things I want to do? What will I be able to di? Will I make friends? Will I be studying ALL the time? 

You can see how hard the waiting game can be. Boring , tiring, and well lazy. I do admit that it's nice to have this time to myself before I go study abroad. I haven't had this long of a break from school since my summer break on highschool. My only worry (back then and now) was who I was going to hang out with the next day. 

So here goes for a couple more days of waiting. With the weekend coming up, I'm sure that the pace will quicken up. But until then it's time to relax and get as prepared as possible for my departure (how many to-do lists are too many to have?). And hopefully as my journey comes closer to a start, I can ease and become more relaxed. Afterall who wants to have reservations about going abroad? All that they'll do is hold me back. 

Until next time,