Lately, there has been a lot of drama in my life. With midterms in full swing this has caused a lot of stress in my life, which is most likely not needed. I would consider myself to be a forgiving person. With that said, I thought this song that I cover "Stay" by Riannah fit perfectly with what is going on in my life. I'm not going to go too in depth with it or name any one's name. I'm not that kind of person. I've been feeling really restless lately. Call me crazy but when it comes to friendships I want to be 'active' in it. Something has to be happening. I want to be able to communicate with you and know how you're life is. If I see you in public, I want to be able to be not only willing, but happy to see your face and asking/having an interest in your life. That being said, what I did to 're-activate' this friendship didn't go to well. I had been waiting for months wondering if I had done something wrong. Feeling that I got the short end of the deal, I decided there was no point in trying anymore. Too many hurtful messages had been exchanged and no one was getting the response/answer they wanted. So, irrationally, I decided it was best to just cut them out. I realize now what I did was wrong. I was hurt at the time and I thought that it was the most logical explanation/reasoning. Maybe I felt like I was giving them 'payback' for what they did to me. Showing them that I wanted to make them feel like crap as well. I truly though, now, regret doing so. I've done this before to people-the whole running when things get tough. No one really taught me how I'm suppose to handle situations when things fall apart. I consider myself to be a very proactive person, so hence, things don't typically fall apart: I'm the one that fixes it all. But, as life has shown me brutally, not all problems can be fixed (or that it will take time, who knows yet). Again, I regret what I did. Maybe I did it for attention-like "Hello, remember me? I exist". Call it childish or even idiotic but at the time, it didn't feel so. I'm not one to regret things too often. I just roll life with the punches. This punch hit me fairly hard. To the people I have hurt recently, I'm truly sorry. I understand that you're mad and you have every right to be. I hope that you will take this song and this post as a justification for my actions. I realize that forgiveness is all but realistic now. I appreciate all the time and fun we've had together and I hope for the best for the future ahead of you.
As always,
Sabrina